Cousins

I grew up with what I consider lots of cousins.  Between both sides of my family I think there are 19 cousins, 2 are technically 2nd cousins, but I count them as 1st cousins because I spent a lot of time with them, and technicalities are silly anyway!  19 is a lot to a girl who grew up most of her childhood as an only child.  For almost 13 years it was just me, until my brother Sam came along, and then a little bit later my brother Luke.  So in a some ways, my cousins were like my brothers and sisters.  I was the oldest of all the cousins on my dad's side and the 3rd oldest on my mom's side.  I have lots and lots of fond memories of spending time with my cousins, playing, birthdays, holidays, camping, sleepovers, even babysitting.  These are memories I will never forget, they hold a special place in my heart, it was a time of innocence and pure childhood fun.

But as the story goes, we are all grown up now, and as time goes on we each follow our own individual paths and become scattered and distant on the map and in life.  I miss those relationships, I miss the individuals, I miss those times.  I was somewhat surprised to get an email from one cousin recently who I rarely get to see anymore, and with whom I rarely ever talk with anymore.  Although the email carried some bad news, it was also a really pleasant surprise and made me happy because of it's sincerity and just the fact that he took time to write it.  It's funny how we all have email and even Facebook accounts, on which we are almost all ''friends'', yet we still don't really keep in contact.  Anywho, the email made me reflect, made me smile, and even made me feel a sting of guilt.  I feel guilty that I don't put in more effort to keep up with all my cousins, my family, which were once such an amazing and regular part of my life.  I sometimes feel like I missing out on a lot of great stuff, and I am missing out on being part of their lives.  This is actually something my mom and I have discussed a lot.  Since she and I both moved from our home state many years ago, the places were we grew up and where a lot of our family still remains.  My mom and I often struggle with issues around missing out on important family events, holidays, birthdays, weddings, and  yes even funerals.  You can't always drop your life to travel back home, working and money (*sigh* money) are the two biggest factors in that, and sometimes it really sucks!  Welcome to the real world!  And, I am sure it is extra difficult if you have a family that makes you feel guilty about it, but luckily that is not the case for me.  

I'd like to say I am going to start emailing them all on a regular basis, but honestly that probably won't happen.    And I wouldn't expect them to do that either.  Life is busy, people change, new responsibilities, new people come in and out of our lives.  This is reality.  But I want to acknowledge that after all this time, and all the distance, I still appreciate and love every single cousin of mine.  I miss them all.  I miss getting down and dirty, playing with matchbox cars in the mud pile with the Schaefer boys.  I miss playing ''school'' with all the Faust/Westcott/Bachrodt kids.  I miss Faust family holidays, and traditions....matching dresses and all :)  I miss 3 day sleepovers with Andrea and all our shenanigans!  I miss camping and game nights with the Schaefers and Myers.  I could go on and on about lots of great memories, and for that I feel really lucky and blessed!